there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
