Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize