ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
