My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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