Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
