It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
