OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
