I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
