if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
