Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
