hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
