if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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