So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
