I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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