I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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