Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
