Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
