New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize