I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
