The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
