i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I deserve this hangover.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
