We're like a lot better than the average bears
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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