I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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