You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
