I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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