I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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