Don't make out with my wife yet
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
