I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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