What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
