You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
