Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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