I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i dont even know how to be here
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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