i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
