then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
