Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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