Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
