I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
