do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
