alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
