The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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