tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
