Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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