Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
