Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
