is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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