How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
