How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
