It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
