I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
