I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
