He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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