Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
