My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Randomize
