I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
