i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
