Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
