awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...