I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
