I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love accidental penises.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me