Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.

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  (516): He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room. http://tfl.nu/sh2m
  Replies (20) Good night (761) Bad night (3095)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?

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  (913): ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf? http://tfl.nu/d12x
  Replies (44) Good night (757) Bad night (6691)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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  (513): his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick. http://tfl.nu/h0yf
  Replies (18) Good night (1306) Bad night (4954)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

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  (505): new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse. http://tfl.nu/qxpq
  Replies (6) Good night (2504) Bad night (706)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2824) Bad night (590)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  This is the high leading the old right now

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  (865): This is the high leading the old right now http://tfl.nu/zdtd
  Replies (1) Good night (1281) Bad night (666)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."

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  (814): I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day." http://tfl.nu/1vs8
  Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (1591)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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  (360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny
  Replies (7) Good night (438) Bad night (843)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm always drunk lately

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears

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  (647): I'm always drunk lately (647): Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears http://tfl.nu/384i
  Replies (3) Good night (1140) Bad night (374)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.

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  (847): I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time. http://tfl.nu/5b3l
  Replies (4) Good night (1033) Bad night (378)
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  (707): View more from California

  OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS

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  (707): OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS http://tfl.nu/54sh
  Replies (7) Good night (724) Bad night (273)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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  (912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (320)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"

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  (651): Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter" http://tfl.nu/1bxc
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (261)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash

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  (330): he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash http://tfl.nu/b2o7
  Replies (0) Good night (610) Bad night (286)
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  (951): View more from California

  Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."

  (713): View more from Texas

  Well thank god i want six autographed copies

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  (951): Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles." (713): Well thank god i want six autographed copies http://tfl.nu/b8sw
  Replies (3) Good night (466) Bad night (424)

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