dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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