i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
