you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
