so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
