She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize