I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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