Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
