You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
