You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
