Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
