Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
