I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So squirting runs in the family.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
