I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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