i just wanna soil my oats bro
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
