So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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